The last time Peter and I went out of town, we had a couple of stressful moments. I gave our last twenty dollars (cash) to our neighbour for pet-sitting while we were gone. Peter doesn’t like to travel without cash, and if-he’d-only-known-he-would’ve-got-cash-before…my counter was what’s-the-big-deal-we-have-an-ATM-card-right?
Boys like cash in the wallet.
It turns out there was enough spare change to fuel Peter’s brain for driving in the form of a Timmy’s Iced Cap (that’s a Tim Horton’s Iced Cappuccino for those south of the border).
Problem solved.
Note: There wasn’t enough change for both of us to get something at Timmy’s, so I chose my battle wisely and let Peter feed his monkey, while mine moaned silently.
When we arrive at the hotel, it’s dark. I’m pretty sure I’ve just dropped my dark brown leather glove on the pitch black parking lot, and I am not happy.
“Anyone got a flashlight?” I ask this of my husband and the concierge. No flashlight. The flashlight that doubles as the rear cargo light in my car has decided to take the night off.
Magically, there’s no flashlight at the hotel. Does that make any sense? What does the hotel do in emergencies, light a candle? Maybe they’ll let me set a bottle of shampoo on fire for light out there. And why is the parking lot so dark, anyway?
I really liked those gloves, too.
In the hotel room, I set about organizing my things, all the while grumbling about how nobody better run over my favourite glove. I begin to clean out my gen-u-ine counterfeit Chloe Betty handbag. I pull out trash, receipts, anything that I don’t want cluttering my perfectly organized purse.
But wait? What’s this? Change?
Of course!
What woman doesn’t have change at the bottom of her purse? I pull out $8.57….imagine that. $8.57 that could’ve landed me an Iced Cap about 300 kilometers ago. I proudly put the change in front of Peter. “Here you go, honey. Take my money and buy yourself something pretty.”
I’m such a good martyr.
As I root around in the vast caverns of my bag, my hand slides around something cool and smooth. I pull it out. Well I’ll be….it’s a flashlight! I laugh myself silly over this one. This has been in my bag since we went on a night zoo safari. Excellent. Now I can go look for my glove like a professional!
And that’s when it hits me. A properly packed handbag can help a woman out in many situations. Here’s what I found in mine, and how I will classify each item for future MacGyver or Mission Impossible purposes…
- Antibacterial hand gel: Combats bird flu, mad cow disease, malaria, West Nile virus and general smarminess in icky people.
- Cell Phone & PDA: To keep up to date on important missions
- Halloween jewellery: To go into deep disguise at a moment’s notice
- Breath Spray: Sweet breath when gossiping…er….networking is crucial
- Business cards: To secure future missions
- Memo pad & pens: Used to leave notes, hints, clues, and to throw the bad guys off the hunt.
- Make up, dental floss, gum, hand cream: Come on, a girl on a mission has to look her best
- Tide Pen: NEVER leave home without it.
- Atomic Fireballs: A seriously hot cinnamon candy that can act as a flame thrower at a moment’s notice.
My handbag is full of mysterious powers that delight and amaze. Ladies, if you plan correctly, you could have an all-magical handbag yourself. And you’ll never have to ask a man (or a hotel) for a flashlight again.
