Peter and I went out of town this past weekend. We had a couple of stressful moments when I gave our last twenty dollars (cash) to our neighbor for pet-sitting while we were gone. Peter doesn’t like to travel without cash, and if-he’d-only-known-he-would’ve-got-cash-before…my counter was what’s-the-big-deal-we-have-an-ATM-card-right?
It turns out there was enough spare change to fuel Peter’s brain for driving in the form of a Timmy’s Iced Cap. Problem solved.
When we arrive at the hotel, it’s dark. I’m pretty sure I’ve just dropped my dark brown leather glove on the pitch black parking lot.
“Anyone got a flashlight?” I ask this of my husband and the concierge. No flashlight. What do they do in emergencies, light a candle? Maybe they’ll let me set a bottle of shampoo on fire for light out there. I really liked those gloves, too.
In the hotel room, I set about organizing my things. I begin to clean out my gen-u-ine counterfeit Chloe Betty handbag. I pull out trash, receipts, anything that I don’t want cluttering my perfectly organized purse.
But wait? What’s this? Change? Of course! What woman doesn’t have change at the bottom of her purse? I pull out $8.57….imagine that. $8.57 that could’ve landed me an Iced Cap about 300 kilometers ago. I proudly put the change in front of Peter. “Here you go, honey. Take my money and buy yourself something pretty.” I’m such a good martyr.
As I root around in the vast caverns of my bag, my hand slides around something cool and smooth. I pull it out. Well I’ll be….it’s a flashlight! I laugh myself silly over this one. This has been in my bag since early October when we went on a night zoo safari. Excellent. Now I can go look for my glove like a professional!
And that’s when it hits me. A properly packed handbag can help a woman out in many situations. Here’s what I found in mine, and how I will classify each item for future MacGyver or Mission Impossible purposes…
Antibacterial hand gel: Combats bird flu, mad cow disease, malaria, West Nile virus and general smarminess in icky people.
Cell Phone & PDA: To keep up to date on important missions
Halloween jewelry: To go into deep disguise at a moment’s notice
Breath Spray: Sweet breath when gossiping…er….networking is crucial
Business cards: To secure future missions
Memo pad & pens: Used to leave notes, hints, clues, and to throw the bad guys off the hunt.
Make up, dental floss, gum, hand cream: Come on, a girl on a mission has to look her best
Tide Pen: NEVER leave home without it. Especially if you're me. You can white up an entire soccer team at a moment's notice.
Atomic Fireballs: A seriously hot cinnamon candy that can act as a flame thrower at a moment’s notice.
My handbag is full of mysterious powers that delight and amaze. Ladies, if you plan correctly, you could have an all-magical handbag yourself. And you’ll never have to ask a man for a flashlight again.
