Happy Hump Day! Tomorrow I will post my column from this week's paper. How are you all liking my new blog activity?
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
Tuesday, 29 January 2008
Monday, 28 January 2008
This one is for you, MD!
For my mom, because she has a great sense of humour and the good sense to let us watch The Carol Burnett Show as we grew up.
I still laugh just as hard every time I watch this skit. I don't know if it's the Tim Conway, or Harvey Korman trying NOT to laugh.
Enjoy - and let me know how hard you giggled.
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Here's How It's Going to Work
It has been brought to my attention that I did not post something on Friday - January 25th. Well by golly, Muffin - you're right (bad Joyce, bad blogger). So I posted three somethings on Saturday -does that make up for it? Be sure and scroll down for anything you missed - some of it is really funny.
As well, I know you all are reading - but I don't hear from you nearly enough - please, PLEASE? Write a comment! Tell me what you think, say hello - tell me what you'd like me to write about!
Bloggily yours,
J - Always Thinking Out Loud
PS - Will post something funny later - Sunday is BOOK day - and I've got research to do!
Saturday, 26 January 2008
Don't Forget To Scroll Down!
Hey y'all -
Don't forget to scroll down a bit - there may be multiple postings in one day (gasp!).
Have a terrific Saturday night and a lazy Sunday.
J
Thursday, 24 January 2008
Growing Old Gracefully, or NOT!
I Guess I Won’t Age Gracefully. . .
When I was a teenager, I used to see all the crazy ads for the newest miracle product to make someone look younger. It boggled my. I decided then that I didn’t care about face creams and eye potions and anti-aging defence. But I was a teenager. Even though I thought I knew everything, I really didn’t.
Last week, I was in a local drug store picking up a few items. When I was finished, I went to the register. And this register is where I received the shock of my life.
The blue-eyed cashier asked me for my rewards card. Then she asked something I wasn’t prepared to hear for at least another eight years:
“If you are 50 years old you qualify for our extra discount today. I have to ask everybody. Are you 50?”
Speechless is not a state easily achieved by me. And yet there I was. Speechless.
In ten silent seconds, the following went through my mind: “Did she just say 50? Didn’t someone guess I was 35 last week? Is my mascara running? Did I sleep well last night? Did my face suddenly grow a riverbed of wrinkles I wasn’t aware of? How old is that cashier, anyway? It’s not like she’s 20!”
And that’s when I knew. I was not going to grow old gracefully. I looked at the cashier again, turned to the customer in line behind me and laid my head on her shoulder for comfort and solace.
Luckily for me, the next customer happened to be my good friend Mitzy Dunkirk, on a lunch break from the hardware store. When my head hit her shoulder, I could feel the laughter she was trying to hold back.
The cashier looked a little afraid at this point, even though I was just playing with her. Bad Joyce. I looked up at her as I paid for my purchase and said “No, I’m NOT 50, and won’t be for another eight years, thankyouverymuch.”
Here is where Mitzy couldn’t hold in her laughter anymore.
“I’m sorry, I just – I just am supposed to ask everyone.” She hurriedly finished my purchase. I assured her I wasn’t really offended (though my vanity was sorely so), and I understood she was just doing her job.
Mitzy placed her purchases on the counter. I moved aside to allow room. I looked at the cashier. “So, you have to ask everybody, right?”
“Yes, I have to ask every customer.”
I looked at Mitzy, who looked at me, comprehension dawning on her 36-year-old features, and turned her heated gaze to the cashier. “Don’t you dare ask me.”
“It’s her job, Mitzy. She has to ask you.” I turn to the cashier. “ASK her.”
“Don’t ask me that question – don’t you dare ask me.”
The cashier didn’t know what to do, but my fierce stare had her asking my not-even-forty-yet friend “If you are 50 years old you qualify for our extra discount today. Are you 50?”
“I can’t believe she just asked me that.” Mitzy tossed a forlorn look my way and I did a little jump of glee.
I’d like to think the cashier was having fun too, but reality dictates that she probably couldn’t wait to get rid of us. Serves her right, asking us if we’re 50.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
And now the hilarious and not-quite-as-confusing parody from Jerry O'Connell! Enjoy a great laugh!
PS - Trivia- Jerry makes a reference to a long-standing Hollywood joke. . . know the name? Answer by leaving a comment. . .
the parody video Tom Cruise WANTS you to see! from Jerry Minor and Jerry O'Connell
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
the final proof that Tom Cruise is bat-guano-crazy
The video is 9 minutes, but it only takes a couple of minutes to see just how crazy the once-sexy Tom Cruise has turned out to be. If anyone knows what this man is talking about, please let me know.
Monday, 21 January 2008
From Cutie Trim in Thailand
Received this email from Cutie in Thailand - understand, this is the FIRST missive received while she's been on this trip, and I just couldn't help but wish that I had been there to see this: (!)
"hello!!! all well here. rented a mo-ped yesterday and nearly ran into an elephant! you'd think we would of seen it coming! then..........a monkey leaped out of the ditch and scared the crap out of us. not a big monkey but when it peeled it's monkey lips and bared it's monkey teeth.......well, it was scary enough. ass is sore from riding around the island. will beach it today. . ."
**************
LOVE IT!
J
New Blogging Promises. . .
Okay - so I plan on posting something every day - I know, I know - but quit laughing - oh, wait - that's what I want you to do, laugh. So I am going to post things that make me laugh, things that might make you laugh - whether it's something I write, something I read or something I see, everyone can use a little more laughter in their lives, right?
Lookit, Momma, I'm a zebra!
Microsoft Update
Hey y'all that are on any kind of Windows platform, don't forget to perform regular updates on your system to keep it running its best. Click the link below!
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
What? Thinking Out Loud is a Resolution?
I'm honoured. Really. I'm blushing. No, really.
A reader (probably my mom) left the best comment a writer could recieve after my recent post 'do something'.
And I quote. . ."One of my resolutions is to read this blog regularly. See? so far I'm keeping it. "
To be a resolution at all, even if it's broken, is just as good as a People's Choice Award. . . really.
Sniff....
Okay, quit rolling your eyes. You know you think it's cool too.
Oh, and congrats to my dear friend Muffin for being the 3,000 visit to my blog. You don't win anything, but still - it's an honour, no?
Love to all of you!
Moi
A reader (probably my mom) left the best comment a writer could recieve after my recent post 'do something'.
And I quote. . ."One of my resolutions is to read this blog regularly. See? so far I'm keeping it. "
To be a resolution at all, even if it's broken, is just as good as a People's Choice Award. . . really.
Sniff....
Okay, quit rolling your eyes. You know you think it's cool too.
Oh, and congrats to my dear friend Muffin for being the 3,000 visit to my blog. You don't win anything, but still - it's an honour, no?
Love to all of you!
Moi
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
Just do Something
So, what percentage of the population can actually say it made and kept a resolution in any New Year? And of those who could say "I have," how many are telling the truth?
I know there are a few of you that are quite successful in your personal goals, and I really want to be like you when I grow up. But since I think most of us already-flawed humans are giving up on making any resolutions at all, I'd like to offer another alternative to the New Year's oath (and I mean the honour type of oath, not the oath that comes after you break your resolution).
Resolve to do nothing. It's just too much pressure. Instead, just do something. It doesn't have to be May-jah as Mrs. Beckham says. Maybe you can start by changing one room in your house to the environmentally friendly light bulbs. That's not a resolution at all. It's something that should have been done ages ago, and it's easy to accomplish.
Pat yourself on the back, you just did something, and you didn’t have to think about a ‘resolution’ to do it.
I’m sure you can figure out other little somethings you can do. Keep patting yourself on the back – all those little somethings really do make a difference, and you’ve become a better person because of it.
However, if you are a traditionalist and prefer to go kicking and screaming into the next year while trying your best to keep your resolutions, I have come up with some fool-proof ways to keep even your toughest resolutions.
The top resolutions usually include promises such as losing weight, exercising more, , enjoying life more, being kinder, etc.
Losing weight: Drop weight in these easy ways: Get rid of that one person in your life that never makes you smile and makes you feel bad about yourself. See? Instant weight loss. Set a mouse trap or six – there’s a couple of pounds right there. Clean out your refrigerator. Any item that has started decorating its walls in green should be kicked out, eliminating a few pounds in expired condiments and science experiments. Recycle your old magazines. You’ll feel pounds lighter in a matter of seconds, and look at that – you kept your resolution.
Exercising more: Turn up the music and dance while you cook dinner (always in all-ways, dance like nobody is watching). Chase your dog, go outside in slippery shoes, move the refrigerator to the farthest reaches of your yard. Burn your remote controls. It may not be the gym, (which your probably already have a membership to that you aren’t using), but you’ll burn lots of calories in the extra steps you take each day. And aren’t the experts always telling us to just walk more?
Enjoying life: Tell your boss no, you can’t work overtime. Go ahead and laugh when your teenager’s ridiculous behaviour makes you want to scream. Get sucked into a reality television show (nobody will tell). Don’t be afraid of the juvenile parts of your sense of humour. Laughter makes your life better, and you’ll enjoy it more. This in turn, will make you a kinder person who can’t help but enjoy life more. See? Resolution kept.
Even if these are unconventional methods, still. . . you did something.
I know there are a few of you that are quite successful in your personal goals, and I really want to be like you when I grow up. But since I think most of us already-flawed humans are giving up on making any resolutions at all, I'd like to offer another alternative to the New Year's oath (and I mean the honour type of oath, not the oath that comes after you break your resolution).
Resolve to do nothing. It's just too much pressure. Instead, just do something. It doesn't have to be May-jah as Mrs. Beckham says. Maybe you can start by changing one room in your house to the environmentally friendly light bulbs. That's not a resolution at all. It's something that should have been done ages ago, and it's easy to accomplish.
Pat yourself on the back, you just did something, and you didn’t have to think about a ‘resolution’ to do it.
I’m sure you can figure out other little somethings you can do. Keep patting yourself on the back – all those little somethings really do make a difference, and you’ve become a better person because of it.
However, if you are a traditionalist and prefer to go kicking and screaming into the next year while trying your best to keep your resolutions, I have come up with some fool-proof ways to keep even your toughest resolutions.
The top resolutions usually include promises such as losing weight, exercising more, , enjoying life more, being kinder, etc.
Losing weight: Drop weight in these easy ways: Get rid of that one person in your life that never makes you smile and makes you feel bad about yourself. See? Instant weight loss. Set a mouse trap or six – there’s a couple of pounds right there. Clean out your refrigerator. Any item that has started decorating its walls in green should be kicked out, eliminating a few pounds in expired condiments and science experiments. Recycle your old magazines. You’ll feel pounds lighter in a matter of seconds, and look at that – you kept your resolution.
Exercising more: Turn up the music and dance while you cook dinner (always in all-ways, dance like nobody is watching). Chase your dog, go outside in slippery shoes, move the refrigerator to the farthest reaches of your yard. Burn your remote controls. It may not be the gym, (which your probably already have a membership to that you aren’t using), but you’ll burn lots of calories in the extra steps you take each day. And aren’t the experts always telling us to just walk more?
Enjoying life: Tell your boss no, you can’t work overtime. Go ahead and laugh when your teenager’s ridiculous behaviour makes you want to scream. Get sucked into a reality television show (nobody will tell). Don’t be afraid of the juvenile parts of your sense of humour. Laughter makes your life better, and you’ll enjoy it more. This in turn, will make you a kinder person who can’t help but enjoy life more. See? Resolution kept.
Even if these are unconventional methods, still. . . you did something.
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